Sympathy For The Devil

Decided to call out of work today for the simple fact I was feeling much better from my congestion. So call up friend Jamie to go out for a night on the town. We started out our friend Jessica’s house for dinner with her boyfriend. But things turned sour quick when Jessica’s boyfriend, Jason (an overly active environmentalist and possibly the queerest guy I know that has sex with women), hit on Jamie. Needless to say the night ended with food in everyone’s hair. Jamie and I left Jessica’s to head over to the porn store. Jamie and I like to go in on the weekend nights to see all the pedophiles and geeks that are in there. At the end of the night headed to Steak-n-Shake and could barely keep our eyes open as the days events were so exhausting. Here are some of the more memorable quotes from the evening. I will leave you to draw your own conclusions as to what the rest of the conversation was like.

"Your Barbie just tea bagged a Care Bear!!" - Adam, while playing with Jessica's stuffed animals

"For America Recycles Day, I set a kitten on fire, because that little fucker totally looked like it was about to litter." - Adam, describing how involved he is.

"What’s wrong Jason? They didn't have a 'really really gay' button, so you just chose 'straight'." - Adam

"It's all pink on the inside." - Jason

"I'm afraid this is one problem liquor won't solve." – Jessica, upon hearing Jason’s pickup line

"I want Gaydar real bad." – Jessica

“Are you having a stroke in installments?” – Adam

"Debbie-gets-it-up-the-ass-dot-com?" - Jamie, upon reading a porn title

"I require Kotex. Tampax makes me irritable." – Jamie (Drunk)

“Chicken-pot, Chicken-pot, Chicken-pot-pie.” – Adam

Adam: “Did you trying ‘Googling’ him?”
Jason: “God no! I have never sucked a dick. It makes me lose my voice.”

“I said NO MAYONNAISE! GOD – BLESS IT!! Oh there is no mayo on this? Thanks!” – Adam

“Hey-for a kitchen rat; he’s pretty hot.” – Jamie

"I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth!" - Jessica

"She's gonna make a chunk of change." – Jamie

"...and smack it, smack it, smack it. OK, I'm done" – Jamie